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Relationship problems: the best tips for more harmony (for lesbian couples)

As a same sex couple, you face unique challenges and adversities. Lesbian relationships can be hard - just like any other relationship. Untidiness in the household, unfulfilled expectations, or a different need for romance and tenderness - love is a trigger, in every partnership.

It takes work and compromise from two adults for harmony to happen in a relationship.

While small disagreements are natural, an ongoing relationship crisis can run a relationship down to the end. So that it doesn't get that far, we will explain how you can solve your relationship problems and find more again.

Typical signs of relationship problems

You can recognize problems in your relationship particularly well if you take a closer look at your partner's communication. Pay attention to the following signs:

  • They stop using your preferred pronoun or name as much

  • They start going out more with friends and inviting you less than they used to

  • Their willingness to sacrifice for you decreases

  • The physical closeness in your relationship decreases more and more

  • They have little energy to talk about obvious relationship issues

  • They only want to spend time with you when they have another friend around

  • They no longer show an interest in little traditions or fantasies you both used to enjoy together

What this means = your relationship is in trouble. take action if you want to save it.

These patterns are red flags that your partner is unhappy and losing interest in making things work with you. Recognize behavioral patterns and/or recurring reasons for fighting and identify solutions so that you can work on it together and not lose someone who means a lot to you.


Common relationship problems and simple solutions

There are numerous reasons for problems in a partnership. While some of them can be discussed in a few minutes, others provide enough conflict potential for several weeks and months of conflict and frustration. We show you typical relationship problems and how you manage not to let them mature into relationship killers:

Problem 1: Work as a stress factor

She takes on a new project and now comes home tired and annoyed – putting both of you in a bad mood. To you, her behavior seems unfair and makes it seem like you matter less and less. The work stress may be leading to less time spent time in building the partnership. Over time, the frustration keeps rising and the job situation can quickly grow into a relationship problem.

Solution strategy: Your girlfriend/wife/partner is probably under a great deal of pressure at work. Accusations at home will not alleviate this work stress. It will likely magnify the situation and lead to bad fight where neither party goes to bed happy - not a pleasant situation. Instead, show your partner that you are supporting her/them in this stressful work period. Let them know you are proud of them for how hard they work but also that you are feeling less important to them. Let her know how her bad mood after work is affecting you and hurts you.

TLDR: Communicate your feelings of hurt but also of concern and support. The goal is to create mutual understanding while not attacking her for doing her job. We all have to have a life at work, and we all could use a little support and love from those who know us best.


Problem 2: Jealousy and distrust

You come home unexpectedly late from the Christmas party and are greeted by your angry girlfriend when you get home. Or she questions why you are holding your phone more often than before. Maybe you wonder why she is getting dressed up nicer for work and start telling her to stop trying hard. This is unfair. Listen, most partnerships have jealousy every now and then. In fact, small doses can be healthy! However, if jealousy develops into flat out trust issues and resentment, your relationship is heading for the red zone.

Solution strategy: React calmly to her feelings and fears. Even if they feel like unfair accusations, try together to find out the causes of jealousy. Reassure her in your relationship especially when you feel jealousy developing.

Do not allow yourself to start believing that you are in the wrong if you aren’t doing anything deceitful or hurtful. This can lead to emotional abuse and an unhappy relationship which could cause the next relationship issue.


Problem 3: Different ideas about life

You dream of living in a high rise in the city but she prefers being in a more rural area? Or you want to settle down and start a family but your partner is currently in the middle of the next step in their career? Conflicting ideas about the future together offer great potential for conflict, because nobody really wants to deviate from their idea or build resentment toward the other person down the road.

Solution strategy: Both write down their ideal future and then compare their wishes. Are there any compromises, such as waiting two more years with family planning? Try to find the intersection that both of you can live with. It is best to deal with whether your ideas are compatible at an early stage of the relationship to avoid later crises.


Problem 4: The money thing

For example, when one partner wants to live very sparingly but the other loves going out to eat at nice restaurants all the time. Whether disagreement about necessary purchases or different salaries - money repeatedly appears in many partnerships as a point of conflict and can develop into a stone cold relationship killer problem if no compromise is made.

Solution strategy: If you have a shared account, move to separate accounts. Instead, propose setting an “Us Budget” where you each contribute a set amount every paycheck to pay for expenses and experiences and you do not exceed the “Us Budget”. This is way, both sides have their own dollars at their disposal to use how they wish and it sets an expectation of how much money we can spend together.


Problem 5: Unfulfilled expectations

At the beginning of the relationship, you found her/their peculiarities (or bad habits) cute. You thought “maybe it she/they will change”. Over time, no change is made and the more often you are bothered by the fact they have these bad habits. Why are they always late? Or why don’t they text you back with any emotion when you are clearly excited? The consequences of not getting answers or seeing change in the other person is regular nagging, frustration and sighs. The constant criticism hurts and leaves the other person feeling not good enough. Soon enough, the other person gets defensive or withdraws more and more.

Solution strategy: To help mitigate this relationship problem, be honest with yourself and the other person about what you cannot tolerate in a relationship from the start. If you are the one bothered by her/their actions, communicate it kindly but, more importantly, do some self-reflection to figure out the root cause of your feelings. Where do your expectations come from, and why is it so difficult for you to accept their quirks? Our expectations often arise in childhood or develop from past relationships. The hard part is that the most important change will have to happen within. You can’t force someone else to change, and you shouldn’t need to change someone to love them.


Phases in which relationship problems are "normal."

In most relationships, there are two typical times when problems in the partnership tend to occur: after the end of the first phase of falling in love and after major changes. In relationships that have existed for a few months, everyday life slowly creeps in, the great infatuation has weakened, and the partner's quirks are suddenly less lovable and more tiring. Major changes such as moving in, starting a family, or changing jobs can strain a relationship in that the known stability breaks down. A good breeding ground for relationship problems, which usually resolve after some time for adjustment.


TLDR: Relationships are hard, but you get what you put into them.

You have to be committed to the person and want the partnership to work (and vice versa). Recognize your relationship is a work in progress – just like you. Work on learning more about yourself and what makes your partner tick. Be intentional about having regular check ins and communicating your own needs and desires. Trust is just as important as is compromise and acceptance in a relationship.


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